I have felt like a poster child for millennials the past couple days. It hurts me to even admit that, because the term "millennial" has such a negative connotation.

I started working at Gordmans as a department manager last week. When I accepted the offer, I felt so good about it! I have always loved that department store, I hated being unemployed, and I was ready to work hard! Three days into working there, I received the official word that the company had filed for bankruptcy and liquidation. Of course the process takes awhile, and I suppose there is always a chance that things may turn around... however once the bankruptcy was announced, the store got insanely busy! I like being busy, I always come home feeling accomplished. The store is short staffed, so the work load is heavy for everyone who works there. I quickly remembered why I disliked retail so much! The pay doesn't always match the work load and the schedule is not consistent. Busy turned into what feels like a burden, and on my way home last night I hated myself for being so upset about being so tired and so frustrated. So many of my daily tasks cannot get done because I am needed in other places, and of course that puts my department behind schedule. I have no room to be upset or frustrated! God answered our prayers so quickly. I mean, I was unemployed for only 10 days! Even though we were behind in my department, we had escalated sales, and were able to help every guest who came to shop. After all, they are the highest priority, so I should feel accomplished... but I still came home feeling like such a brat. It has been difficult for me to stay positive, and again... I have no right to feel so ungrateful.

I know the news of the bankruptcy has skewed my perception a little bit. I pray all day to help me see things from His perspective.

This morning I had a working interview for an oral surgery assistant. I have wanted to work in an oral surgery office for years, and when I interviewed a month ago, I felt great about how it went! It took so long for them to get back to me after leaving them a few voicemails, so when I received the opportunity to come in for a working interview, I thought I was finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel! I have felt so unhappy about where I am in my career, I couldn't help but believe that this was the Lord pulling through.

I was there for maybe 5 minutes before the Doctor pulled me into his office. He said, "I know right away that this job will not work out for you because you aren't trustworthy. Your tattoo gives off that vibe and we cant have that here." I told him I understood, and thanked him for the opportunity. He handed me my bag, and as he opened his office door he said, "If you have your tattoo removed you can re-apply for the job."

I was pretty shocked. My tattoo was peaking out just a little bit. I know that tattoos are not always favored, especially when trying to find a job, however I never thought the back of my neck would be such a big deal. That isn't what shocked me though. It was the automatic judgement of my character, based off of the slight view of a flower. He was so rude about it. I left feeling so angry and sad. It is a "Millennial" thing to have tattoos. Its a "Millennial" thing to be on the defense when someone judges you for them. I know its not just my age group that has them, I've met plenty of people 30 years my senior with full body art.

I served an honorable mission. I am clean before the Lord. I am a daughter of God with a current temple recommend. I am trustworthy. For a few moments though, none of that mattered to me. I was angry that I wasn't good enough for this job. I am so insanely unhappy with my current job and I was angry that the Lord couldn't throw me a bone. I feel like I am at a dead stop with my progression. Ive spent most of my morning trying to understand why I am in the position that I am.

The obvious answer is that maybe the Lord did do me a favor. No one wants a job where they are treated so poorly. I'm obviously at the peak of my pride cycle. The Lord knew that I could not grow if I was not brought down. If its worth mentioning, I feel pretty small.

My life isn't bad. As a matter of fact, I am extremely blessed. This is why I feel like such a spoiled brat.

I have no idea what I am supposed to be doing right now. I know I am supposed to be at Gordmans, for a reason completely unbeknownst to me. I know God is in charge and He knows what is going on. He sees so much more than me. I am constantly learning what it actually means to be humble. I'm so far from it, and as I type this I realize that I have been praying for the wrong things.

I am sure my Dad will roll his eyes at this blog post. It is such a millennial thing to put your whole life on display via social media. I needed to publicly declare my defeat. I am not talking about my job either. I am admitting that I cant do this on my own. I cant do anything without the Lord. I cant truly follow Him if I stay so prideful. Whatever lesson I am supposed to be learning is for my benefit. Its for the good of my family.

The Lord hasn't left me to feel alone. I can feel Him helping me, even though I am being so stubborn. I can feel His love through Isaac, who works so hard. Not only with his job, but as a husband. He constantly strives to make me happy. The blessings of being sealed do not go unnoticed. We worked so hard to be sealed. All of those experiences have stood as a reminder to me that anything worth while needs to be earned. I know the right job wont come to me if I stand idly by with my arms crossed. As the hymn says, "Put your shoulder to the wheel", right?

The good, the bad, and the ugly

The past couple weeks have been full of trials. If I said that we weren't struggling, I would be lying, however it is impressive to test the foundation we spent months building on before we got married.

On February 28th, I received word that my Aunt Lucy passed away. She was in a home for years, and dementia was really taking its toll. Other parts of her body began to fail, and for months my mom kept telling me that it wouldn't be too much longer. Although I knew that, it still was sad news. I had this nagging feeling a couple days prior to her death, that I should ask my mom to check on her. Mom visited often, so every time I had that thought I just felt like it was silly! Turns out, mom was planning on seeing her that day when she got off work, but was too late. The whole family feels some level of guilt. My mom was upset because the nursing home was supposed to call her when she turned, and they didn't. She didn't get to go, hold her hand, and tell her it was okay to go. As her sister and her care taker, that was a privilege that was robbed. Not everyone can do that with their loved ones, but my mom should have had the chance... My brother and I feel pretty awful too. Not only did I ignore those promptings, but I had the chance to see her when we were in Colorado for the wedding. When we first arrived, I was super sick, so I thought that visiting her would be a terrible idea. I got better quickly though, and I had the time-but I was so wrapped up in wedding details and visiting other family members I didn't take the opportunity. Aaron was so busy too, and wasn't able to see her while he was there. Now of course I cant go back for the funeral. I feel sad that I am missing it, and even worse that my mom is taking care of it on her own.

Isaac and I had been planning a temple trip for weeks, and it happened to fall on the night she passed through the veil. To go into detail about the revelation I received about my aunt would be despicable, however I can say this: While waiting in the chapel for the session to begin, I spent some time looking at a picture of the Savior. His body language showed that he was depicted having a conversation with someone. His face looked calm, and the painting managed to display so much of the affection I know Christ has. At that moment, I had a thought come to me. I knew that my Aunt was greeted with love and mercy when she passed. She spent her whole life following the Savior. I knew that when she got to his arms, the reunion was sweet. I knew she was reunited with her parents, and that in a years time I can return to the temple to complete her work. I needed to attend the temple for temporal reasons, but I left feeling at peace with all things spiritual, and my testimony was strengthened.

On Valentines day, I finished my time at Crest Financial and began a new job as a dental assistant. The office was a small general practice, and the staff was wonderful. Isaac and I had been preparing for me to switch jobs for quite a while now, and it was just about the right position, and the right time. It wasn't long after putting out resumes that I was asked to come in for an interview. I was hired on the spot, and I had to quit Crest without any notice. I didn't want to do that. Crest had been so good to me! I felt right about the choice I had to make, and Isaac did too. At the end of my first day, I was told that I was on a "trial run". The Doctor wanted me to work for two weeks to make sure I was a good fit for the office. I found that kind of strange, but I had just left the only job I had, and I couldn't say no! Plus, I was confident in my abilities, so I was not threatened at all to be under the scope. Turns out, the office was in a legal battle with a previous employee-I am not finding it my business to go into detail, however I finally understood why they wanted to make sure I was trustworthy!

At the end of my second week, the Doctor told me I was great, and that the patients loved me. He was impressed with me thus far, but for some reason he wouldn't let me assist. I was starting to get frustrated. The assistant I was about to replace was 6 months pregnant with twins. The job was getting difficult for her to keep up with, and it wouldn't be long until she had to take maternity leave. I needed to get to know how the Doctor liked things done during a procedure, but I couldn't do that if I was not welcomed. He asked me to do another week of trial, so he could be sure. That stressed me out big time! I needed a job, and this is what I wanted to do! I had no way of knowing if I would come home Thursday without a job, or if I would come home to enjoy the weekend before I went back.

On Wednesday the 29th, he called me into his office and said, "Angelena we think you are great, but we are going to have to pass." He handed me a check for my time there and explained that they couldn't give me full time hours, and that he was not in the position to train someone new to the office so they decided to let me go. He offered me a letter of recommendation, and tried to encourage me by saying, "You were fantastic! This is of no fault of your own." I managed to compose myself long enough to make it into the front seat of my car, before I started to cry. With my Aunts passing, the timing couldn't have been worse. I had no idea what I was going to do, because although Isaac has a great job, we could not afford to only live off of his income alone.

Needless to say, it hasn't been the happiest here at the Forsgren home.

I told Isaac I was about to wash the clean clothes we have in our closet so I had something to keep me occupied.

I have a few interviews lined up. Unfortunately only one is full time, and none of them are dental assisting positions. That always bugs me a little bit, because I paid a lot of money and spent a lot of time getting certified. I also feel like I am just taking steps back words in my progression. At my age, I should be doing something much more permanent! Or at least that is how I feel. The interviews I have lined up are retail jobs, which I have had good experiences with in the past. However, I will have to work Sundays. I always promised myself that if I am in the place to not work on Sundays, I will find other work. We aren't in the position financially, but I cant help but think of all the work Isaac and I put into our spiritual lives. We worked so hard to get here, and to never have the chance to attend church together makes my heart hurt.

Of course, Isaac is nothing but patient and supportive. He always knows what to say, and he is learning when silence is better than words. He came home from work yesterday and told me he had a strong impression that we needed to get to the temple, so we have plans to go back tomorrow

Perhaps going back will give us further guidance. Neither of us knows what the right path is right now. We need His help.

The spiritual growth I have seen in my husband has been outstanding. He has surely stepped up to the responsibilities of being a husband, especially to me, I require so much of his heart.

He always reminds me that we are a team through the good, the bad, and the ugly. He reminds me that the day we knelt across from one another at the altar, was the day we need to remember in times of testing and trial. He is right. I love him more every day, and my appreciation and admiration for him grows with each passing moment.

Perhaps these trials are meant to do more than provide me opportunities to humble myself. Maybe they are stepping stones for us to strengthen our marriage, and learn to go to the Lord; together. It can be easy to get caught up being newlyweds, I wouldn't want to forget who got us here in the first place.

It certainly has been bad and ugly lately. However, I see so many wonderful things to be grateful for. I know that no matter what, things work out for the better. I know the Lord has our best interest in mind when he creates our individual plan. I know that if we didn't have the love, support, and prayers of our family right now, we would be knocked over every time the waves of life came.

I am constantly reminded of the Lords mercy and love. I know He hears every plea, and has every intention on blessing us according to our needs and righteous desires. I just know it!

Well, that's all for now. Do yourself a favor and go to the temple. There are answers for us there, and often that is the only place we can receive them.

XOXO-The Forsgrens